That Someone...

I had been thinking lately, what about the person that was the closest to me, who knew me inside out, who I could trust with all my heart and knowing that that person will be there for me no matter what. It was a bond not many has or had, it was the most special relationship anyone could ever have.

Although I've tried moving on, I will somehow be reminded of that person by the smallest detail anyone can ever notice, like how someone smiles, how someone talks, how someone carries them-self, how that colour is that someones favourite, how the silly mistakes that someone make and the fact that I knew this someone till the very core of their soul. I was there for this someone no matter what, day or night, it doesn't matter cause I'll be there.

There was a point where I actually thought of having a life with this someone and by saying that, it is obvious that this someone is a 'her'. The thought of being with her and starting something that is worth more than everything, I was afraid that I might lose her. I didn't want to do anything to ruin our relationship.

To think of it, she's the only person I never lied to and like I said, we knew each other to the core. I know her every weakness, her strength, her favourites, her dislikes well everything bout her. I understood her well, and I didn't judge her of her past and that was what made me fall in love with her.

When problems occurred during April 2011, I didn't want to see her get hurt anymore so I left it there and continued with my life. Realizing day by day, I couldn't live without her. Even when I tried getting to know other people and tried moving on, I just couldn't do it. Everything another girl does reminds me of her.

The most hurtful part of all this is that now she doesn't even call or text or even think I exist. It hurts like no words can express. I miss her like crazy and all the time spent and things we did together, I'll still love her. I will wait if that's what it takes.

Only two people of my friends knows what and who I'm actually talking bout.

Usher ft David Guetta - Without you


I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I
Without you


Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged

Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you

We are all just in it for the ride...

After going through weeks of waiting and thinking that the person will really realize what whats life all about. I give up, now I realize that I can't force anyone to do anything even if it's for the best for them. If they have made up their mind to continue living in ruins, so be it. I've got loads more to worry about in my life, what was I thinking of getting involved with other's!

Studies is the first priority for me, and I should concentrate on it and get a job first before I get serious with anyone. Its like what my friend once said, "You've to take care of yourself then others" and that's exactly what I am going to do.

Now that i'm alone at my apartment since my bud went off outstation for his studies, I was out on the balcony every night with my Carlsberg, Marlboro and some good music kept me thinking of what I really want to do with my life. Well for the time being, let me just focus on my studies and get a proper job then the real thinking comes to play.

It could be HER!

In April 2011, I met a girl on Facebook, her name was Vanessa. I never knew her at all or even heard of her before but never knowing at that moment I actually have close friends who were her close friends as well. Again, I didn't know that.

We were internet buddies for some time, until I was interested and asked her for her number. And so I decided to ask her out. I did't know whether she was skeptical or just shy to meet me. So she asked to invite some of our mutual friends along, well now that isn't a date it was a so called hangout with the group.

So on our 'hangout' night, I picked her up first among the friends and I was eager to see her for the first time. I was waiting outside her sister's house and she came out, and I was like "She ain't all that", but I was still interested in getting to know her.

The night passed quickly, you know what they say "Time flies when you're having fun". I really liked her, the first impression of her I got was that, she's a strong heart-ed girl, she stands her ground, she's fun to be with and the best part is about her hair which she is loves and boast about. I've got to admit, she really has beautiful hair. Then I started texting her alot, calling her and talking for hours and sometimes not even hours. I was getting to know her more and more until I started having feelings for her which I didn't realise until later on.

I was in my 3rd semester of my studies at that time, so every weekend I'll go back to my home town and try my best to get my dad's car and take her out. I was going out with her for sometime and I remember that one moment where I felt it, the love that I had for her. We were walking side by side, our hands touched each others and naturally we were holding hands and playing with our fingers. That moment, I only felt her hands and nothing else, suddenly everything else wasn't the matter to me. It was just me and her. Although it wasn't for so long, that few minutes said it all, that I was truly feeling something for her, feeling love.

Her birthday was nearing, I actually wanted to take her out for a special dinner or something romantic and tell her how I feel. Her birthday was on a Wednesday, but I was busy with college that week. I decided to take her out on the weekend. And so on Tuesday night, the night before her birthday I called her wishing her and telling her the plans for the weekend. She didn't want to trouble me and said "there's no need to trouble yourself and take me out to dinner". I thought of surprising her when I see her.

The day after her birthday, it was terrible. I met with an accident where I can say I almost died. It was a motorcycle accident, I was on the way to college when it happen. A car emergency brake and I rode straight into the car, the next thing I knew was that I was on the ground barely moving. I couldn't move my leg as it turns out, I broke my right femur(thigh bone) and it is known to be the biggest and strongest bone in the body. I was in the hospital for 11 days and while in the hospital I told her that I met with an accident and I broke my leg.

When I got discharged, I was staying at my mums. I texted her most of the time, we were quite close I can say. I totally forgot that I was supposed to tell her how i felt for her. I regret that because after a month or so she texted me that she has a boyfriend. She said, "He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes". I was broken into pieces, I couldn't take it so I called up my close 'brother from another mother' and asked him, "what should I do?" He said, "Tell her how you feel, Let her know the truth before its too late". I was hesitating at first, then I picked up the phone and dialed her number. She answered, and I was asking her how is she and that is everything fine?. She sounded the happiest I've ever heard her talk before and I didn't want to ruin that for her cause I love seeing her happy. At the same time, it was tearing me to pieces.

I left it there, and we were just friends but still close. After sometime I met her best friend Kriz, she told me that when she saw me with Vanessa, she saw a connection and that I looked at Vanessa differently. Even I didn't realise that deep down inside of me, I still love her. And now I'm feeling all the feeling I used to feel, especially missing her. I let the chance of telling her how I feel go, it's better late then never. I am going to tell Vanessa how I feel towards her whether she accepts me or not. I have to do this to know whether she is the one.

A special thanks to Kriz and Sundra for making me realise. Love you guys too :)

2 years later...

Its been awhile since the last post, I actually forgot about the whole blogging thing. After going through the internet a few times, a link crossed my eyes. So clicked it, and it was the blog of the so called DJ ScaZ. Yeah, I named myself Scaz awhile back because you see, my old name, during the younger years or my actual name starts with an 'S', so i decided to invert Zac(short for zachary) to 'caz' and add the 'S' at the front, so yeah, there's where I got the name Scaz from.

Well, I have lots to tell about the 2 years that had passed. It involves losing friends, gaining new friends, family, college, and much more smaller details.

I thought of writing blogs again, and yeah sometimes I don't feel comfortable sharing with my friends although they're very close to me and also I don't want to trouble them especially when they have their own problems.

Look forward for the next post and I'll tell you everything :)